Paper Pregnant

I'm glad i'm able to post tonight, because I want to stay caught up with whats going on in our lives, but this is definitely my second choice of what to do tonight. I talked to Jarrod today during his short drive from the school to the baseball field (like I do everyday). I knew that the J.V. team was playing in Hartford tonight and I asked him if he thought they'd get rained out. He said no. He also said, "Hopefully we will get out of practice in time for US to catch the whole second game." I told him "ok, good. I'll talk to you after practice". I was looking forward to getting to watch a little bit of baseball with him. When he called after practice, we discussed what we'd have for dinner and I asked him if he was coming home before the going to the game. (I was thinking we could ride together... even though its 3 minutes to the ballpark here.) He said NO! I said, "ok.... well i'll meet you there. I'll call you when I get there." He quickly told me that of course he'd be in the dugout helping coach.... DUH I should've known that! When he said "in time for US to catch the game", he meant he and Brent. I know that they help with JV when varsity is not playing, I guess I was just thinking (or not thinking) that since they weren't there to start the games they'd just sit back and watch the rest. In protest I am staying home and not going to the game. Ok, fine, not really in protest- I called Jenna and she is in Dothan and not going to the game so I don't know who i'd sit with. And its rainy. And i'm pouting a little even though I have no reason to be. So here I am, catching up on the blog when I should be either at the game or starting supper and doing laundry and sweeping. Oh well.

So the title to the blog is probably confusing. I'll explain. My adoption update is that the homestudy is complete! We are officially "legal" (in the state of Alabama) to adopt! Our social worker Suzanne will be sending our homestudy to our agency in Georgia as soon as I can pay her the remaining balance we owe for the study. She charged the same rate we have heard that the average cost is- $1,000. What stinks is that if we lived in Georgia, the homestudy would be included in what we are paying to the agency. BUT, it could be worse. A couple we met at the agencys parents meeting live in Louisiana and they paid $2,000. If theres one thing we've learned in life that is it always could be worse. The paper pregnant part comes from an adoption blog i read last week. This couples agency called them "paper pregnant" when they reached this point. Its true.... Everything that had to be done is completed. Now we wait. Kind of comparable to being pregnant. All the things that have to happen to become pregnant happen.... tests confirm that a baby is on the way, and boom. Pregnant. Really, the only difference is that there's not a baby in me. I have no excuse to eat whatever I want. No doctors appointments (don't mind that one for sure- I've had more than my share!). No sickness, no cravings. The only thing that makes me sad about not getting to be really pregnant (besides I have to pay a lot of money for the child) is that I don't have a due date and I don't get to grow. People won't get to visibly see that we will be blessed with a baby soon. I've dreamed of taking preggo pics showing the progression of my growing tummy with a baby inside and taking side by side preggo pics with my friends that are pregnant too......    Ok, now I'm crying. Back to the point.
All that has to happen now is the agency has to receive and approve our home study. They will approve it- no worries there. Suzanne knows what she is doing. So very soon we will officially be in the waiting parents pool. I did learn something new today- I called the agency director to let her know that our homestudy is officially complete. (last week I called to tell her that it was ALMOST complete). I do feel bad about calling them, but I wanted them to know in case there was a birthmother  ready they could show our book to her!) Anyway, the new thing I learned is that they do (try to) show books chronologically.. meaning people they try to place people who have been in the program the longest before they show newer couples. It makes sense, but I didn't know that it worked like that. I also thought that they would let us know when are books are going to be shown... but they don't. She said that causes too much of an emotional strain for us, wondering, hoping, praying the birthmother will pick us and then wondering why when she doesn't. I understand that too.

If you are praying for us,thank you. We appreciate and need your prayers. This is a new place for us (in life). I try not to think about when it will be, what sex the baby will be, if he/she will be healthy, a mixed race (the mom will be Caucasian, but have no preference on the race of the father) etc, etc. Like I said, I try not to think about it because I don't want it to consume me and I tend to be either all in or not on things so I try to just sit back and wait. BUT, they highly suggest we get things ready, especially the nursery so I am working on that too. We will go ahead and set up the bed soon. I just hope that walking by the empty nursery will give me a sense of hope, knowing that within a year there will be a newborn gracing its presence as opposed to reminding me of the gut wrenching emptiness I have felt for four years. We shall see...